Boots and Cats

So. I have a confession to make… I let my 20 month old daughter watch YouTube. I know, I know.. it’s horrible. If our parents told us TV would rot our brain, my god, surely our children are doomed with this. But I digress. Lately, one of Josie’s favorite videos is “Boots and Cats.” If you haven’t seen it, you should! It’s a video that features, boots, of course cats, bees, and other silly things in a fast paced beat box animated short video. Josie absolutely loves it! It is very funny. I’ve never seen anything quite like it, but it is surprisingly entertaining especially for toddlers! The guy who made it, Henry Edmonds did a great job on it. The video starts with a picture of a boot and then a cat, and then the singer starts beat boxing “boots n cats n boots n cats, knee high boots n cats…” all while showing fast paced animated pictures of, you guessed it. Josie’s favorite part is when it starts singing about bees (and cat bees, you’ll see) and then it shows a bees nest with hundreds of animated bees flying out toward the screen while singing “beeeeeeeesssssszzz!” I make the sound and tickle her. She laughs and just loves it! Anyway, the next time you and your toddler are bored of the same old kid shows on netflix, try some boots and cats. You’ll be glad you did 😉
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The unfortunate life of my cat

My cat sticks its tongue out at me

Oh crap,
how did I awaken from my slumber?

Damn, the morning sun has shifted 2 inches too far.
I’m too lazy to move, I’ll just go back to sleep as I am extremely sleep deprived.
Only 17 hours of sleep today, definitely not enough.

Blast it all, now I’m awake, my thoughts race.
Perhaps I’ll get up and stretch, and lick myself.
I will lick for 20 minutes, my fur requires bathing,
For it must look perfect.

Might as well get some boring unchanging food.
My dish is empty.
No water, damn it all.
Those inferior beings are still sleeping, they will pay for this.

My stomach grumbles.

Heading into the hallway, another sunny spot.
Perfectly positioned for revenge on the inferior beings.
Talk about a two-fer!

I lie in the spot and continue licking
My dander is currently my only source of food.

Lounging in the sun I start drifting off to sleep.
With one eye slightly open, I see one of the tall inferior beings stumbling towards me.
It looks drunk and is shuffling it’s feet forward, like a moron.
It is coming right towards me, should I move?

No. I cannot, the warmth of the sun is devine.
The inferior beast then proceeds to trip over me, which hurts.
But it’s all worth it to see the inferior being fall on it’s butt.
Serves it right for not feeding me.

Finally, the inferior being has the good sense to refill my food and water dish.
At least it’s good for something.
Then the two legged creature opens up can of something.
Joy! I shall meow incessantly until they feed me. Mmm perhaps tuna?

Damn them, it’s only some baby food. They point stupidly at my food dish.
I hate them, but I am hungry so I choke down the dry kibble.
After eating, I see and hear the morning songbirds outside the patio door.
I am intrigued.

I stand at the door and focus on willing the door open.
It will yield to me, no matter how long I have to sit here staring at it.

Just then the inferior being rudely opens the door while I was opening it with my mind.
As the fresh air hits my whiskers I realize I am not ready to go out.
The inferior being points to the door and talks gibberish.
It looks ridiculous, I do not know what it wants, please stop bothering me.

Fine, you win, I’m ready to go out now.
The inferior being shuts the door behind me.
How inconsiderate, now I’m being forced to be out here. I must go back in.
I will the being to open back up the door.

Again, it opens the door and points like an idiot.
What makes it think I’m ready to come in?
I shall not.
The being grows impatient and places me back inside against my will.

Disappointed again by the inferior being.
I decide to retire to the bedroom.
Where the other is sleeping.
I can not allow this as I am not currently able to sleep.

I jump onto their chest.
I pretend to be happy so that the fool will pet me.
It is one of the few pleasures of my life.
However, the being fell back asleep and their appendage stopped stroking my fur.

How dare thee!
I shall sink my claws into the beings chest until it resumes petting me.
To my surprise, the being yells and pushes me away.
Why would they do this? It was for it’s own good, and my claws needed sharpening.

Then the inferior beings put fabric sacks over their bodies and leave the house.
Good riddance.
It’s about time.
Now that the inferior beings are out of my fur, back to my sun spot.

I’ve got some serious licking to do. Then back to sleep, to dream about better days…

Twisted brown fingers

A funny poem about cats

Twisted brown fingers beckon me
scent lingers as I see

shadow figures patrolling

a devious look…

routine ritual
procrastinate habitual

how I dread this duty…

sensing eyes follow
grasping the shovel I hollow

the overflowing mound of
twisted brown fingers

sifting one by one
picking them out by the ton

as the cats watch and wait
laughing at my unfortunate state.